Scrolling through my feed has me a little heart broken. Even as a victim/survivor/badass/whatever, I didn’t know sexual assault affects THIS many people; let alone this many people I know. It’s crazy how something that affects so many people has a way of isolating you.
I’ve seen a couple comments where people never dreamed of sharing this unfortunate fact about themselves due to fear of rejection or backlash, or how people they HAVE told didn’t believe them because “if it really happened, you wouldn’t be talking about it” which absolutely blows my mind. Those people (in my opinion) are garbage and deserve no place in your life. And you know what? It DID happen, and I will talk about it until I die. Silence is what lets it continue on.
But to all the people who have felt this burden, and even more so to the people that had consequences to asking for help, I am so sorry.
I’m sorry whoever it was that did this to you was so selfish and had their head so far up their ass that they thought their desires were more important than your SAFETY and CONSENT. I’m sorry that no one was there to stand up for you when you needed backup. I’m so sorry if there were people in your life that did know yet did absolutely nothing to help you and stop it. I’m sorry there are other people with their heads also so far up their ass that they think they know trauma survivor coping habits better than those of us living it. I am SO SORRY that any of this has happened to you.
But I also want you to know how proud I am of you. I myself have been sexually assaulted by three different men at different stages in my life. I’ve had partners emotionally bully me into sex. I’ve had an ex show all the pictures I sent him when we were together to all his friends even years after our relationship ended. I know first hand what kind of damage these types of people (for me, males but females can DEFINITELY do this too) can cause and the domino effect it can have on your life. I STILL struggle with this garbage every now and again. So I know it can be hard and it really makes you doubt everything you have in your life or everything good anyone has said or done for you. Yet through all of this, WE ARE STILL HERE.
We are still breathing, fighting, carrying on. And that is so freaking important.
You are brave, courageous and beautiful even if you’re broken. And the next time you catch yourself thinking otherwise, I hope you remember all the beauty you see in a stained glass window. A picture made up if hundreds of little broken shards that alone would be thrown away, were instead arranged and put back together to make something even better. You just have to remember to let the light shine through.
(originally written in 2018)